hey all,
i'm pretty bad at this blog thing... i'm actually in all honesty pretty bad at the whole staying-in-touch thing in general lately... perhaps it's b/c i have twins, one still in the hospital, a full time job, a house to clean... and a marriage... just don't have time for the little things (or anything for that matter) anymore. in a way it stinks b/c i've always thrived on a little bit of independence, but having my girls makes it all worthwhile.
so, the girls turned one yesterday... how surreal is that. it should have been a bright and shiny happy day for me, but i can't help but let some of that guilt and weirdness that came along with their early birth last year. as many times as people tell me, how can i not feel guilty that i couldn't complete the one task i was put forth to do and that's keep the kiddos in my belly for nine months. it just totally and utterly stinks that i will always have that memory, that feeling around the holidays and around their birthday. i will feel that the next time we may be blessed with another kiddo... is it going to happen again? why did it happen? what did i do wrong? the only thing i can think of is that i was baking cookies the day it happened and was lifting cookie sheets out of the oven? that seems pretty trivial... but you better be darn sure that you won't be getting any cookies from me or even hearing the word cookie the next time i'm pregnant.
... and i like how i'm saying that.... the *next* time i'm pregnant... as if i'm not up to my eyeballs in craziness and diapers and responsibility and work (and fat) right now... we can be assured of one thing. it will be in the future, but not soon!
ms. madeline is doing awesome. her vent is being turned down day by day and she's off most of her meds. she's a smiley, chubby wonder and i'm so glad to have her in my life. my molly just got home this week from a brief stint in the hospital. any little respiratory bug wreaks havoc with these two... it stinks, but it's our new reality. molly is trying so hard to move around, but is busy building her strength and coordination. she manages to get her hands into anything, so i'm actually not in a rush to have her completely mobile... we'll pretty much have to tie the furniture down at that point.
anyhow, happy new year to all. my resolutions are to find a bit of time for myself each week, ea healthier and not sweat the small stuff. what are yours?
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2 comments:
Happy New Year Amy!
Typically my resolutions revolve around losing some poundage but this year I have thrown that to the wind and am going to try to be more financially fit. Although we were fortunate this year and were not greatly impacted by the recession, I saw and read enough about people struggling to really change my outlook on things. So more money towards paying down debt and savings for rainy days. Less eating out and hitting up Kohl's every time they send me a coupon. We'll see how we do, especially with daycare costs approaching!
Amy, you amaze me at how you do it all. I hope you know that although you feel what you do and no one can change that that it wasn't your fault that you baked cookies or the girls wanted to come out sooner than nine months. I hope the guilt fades as time passes.
Happy New Year. I'm still hoping we can do a playdate soon!
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