blog-a-wha?

alright... i admit it. i forgot about this darn thing. who wouldn't in my situation? ...and clearly from the amount of angry fan mail i've received where my people are waiting with bated breath to find out what's happening next (read: zero) eh, i let it slide.

so, people sometimes use these blogs to post 'birth stories' and what-not... considering mine involved standing on my head for a week, emergency c-section and resuscitation...well, i choose not to really go there for now. it's just too much and i'm entirely too busy thinking about the present to possibly contemplate the future, never mind the past.

to cut to the chase... ms. madeline elizabeth came crashing into the world on january 6, 2009 at 12:35am at an astonishing 1 lb 13 oz and 13 inches long. molly louise followed in a close second at 12:36am (which will undoubtedly make her one of the more competitive girls we know... hey, it's in the genes) at a whopping 1 lb 12 oz and 12 inches long. i tried to tell them they were showing up on the wrong holiday (as in, come on easter, not on new year's) but, true to form with the ladies in my family, they would listen to no one and said, 'yo, we're outta here.' we're so thankful for the amazing care they've received thus far and we couldn't ask for a better outcome (read: my girls are still here... it was touch and go for awhile... can you believe that? i still can't)

the whole story is oh-so-tiring and difficult to talk about honestly. i put on a happy face when people ask me how the girls' are doing (public service announcement: once you have kids, no one gives a damn about you anymore... it's always, how're the girls?) but i'm having a hard time talking about it. it's hard to bring molly anywhere (one: because she's susceptible to all of the icky illnesses out there and people have no respect for boundaries) and two, because she's on oxygen, we receive stare after stare and question after question. i will never understand how random people could just walk up to you and ask all of these personal questions (and those who know me know how much i can't stand a million questions all of the time)... 'oh, is she a preemie?' 'oh, why is she on the breather?' 'oh, is she really sick?' 'oh, is she going to live?' honestly people, fa chrissakes. i *feel* like saying, 'why are you so g-damned annoying?' or 'did i say you could ask me questions?' but i don't and smile and say she's great (which she is... of course) and appease them so they'll leave us alone. consequently, i don't really go anywhere at all, except for children's.

yup, children's, as in hospital. madeline's at chb and has been since may when she left ssh's nicu. she's doing well, but has had a pretty rough go... she recently had a trachestomoy and g-tube so that she can breathe *and* grow developmentally. her lungs are just so far behind it's going to take her awhile to catch up. honestly, it's a total bummer and some days i'm not sure how we're doing it. i guess we are because we have to.

so, we're strung out. my eating habits are shittay and my exercise is null and void. i feel like a moose and look like a barn. p and i are both back to working full time, dealing with molly at home who is on oxygen and has feeding issues and visiting madeline at childrens when the work day is done. we bring molls with us sometimes and put her in bed with ms. madeline so they can at least know each other. considering madeline hasn't even been home yet (yes, you read that right... it's been almost 8 months and she's not home yet... it's killing me...) i want molly to at least know she has a sister.

madeline will have the trach through at least next spring. she's currently on a vent, but is slowly weaning. she'll go to franciscans for rehab while she's on the vent and then will come home. i hope it's soon, but fear it's not.

it's all just so surreal.