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Wednesday, January 27, 2010
what a twit
i've gone to the dark side... yup, i have. i started banging around on twitter, which at first seemed completely pointless. a few clicks later, however, and i'm settled nicely into the mom's network out there... and dammit if i don't find it useful and fun! social media appears to be taking off and i don't want to miss the boat, like i have on so many things lately (what with the whole motherhood thing standing in my way between me and an iphone). but no, i've discovered that the blogger universe is a ridiculously large one. granted, there is a lot of static amongst the good bits of info, but sharing and comparing of all sorts of things i'm finding is saving me time (which i don't have) and money (which... i also don't have). so there, feel free to follow... or not.
on the home front, we couldn't be happier. the girls are continuing to grow and thrive each day, with madeline elizabeth coming oh-so-much closer to getting home and ms. molly louise getting more active by the minute... we're coming pretty darn close to starting the "little farrell two women wrecking crew." stay tuned!
the, "seriously ma?" faces have already begun...
Thursday, January 7, 2010
strides
hey all,
i'm pretty bad at this blog thing... i'm actually in all honesty pretty bad at the whole staying-in-touch thing in general lately... perhaps it's b/c i have twins, one still in the hospital, a full time job, a house to clean... and a marriage... just don't have time for the little things (or anything for that matter) anymore. in a way it stinks b/c i've always thrived on a little bit of independence, but having my girls makes it all worthwhile.
so, the girls turned one yesterday... how surreal is that. it should have been a bright and shiny happy day for me, but i can't help but let some of that guilt and weirdness that came along with their early birth last year. as many times as people tell me, how can i not feel guilty that i couldn't complete the one task i was put forth to do and that's keep the kiddos in my belly for nine months. it just totally and utterly stinks that i will always have that memory, that feeling around the holidays and around their birthday. i will feel that the next time we may be blessed with another kiddo... is it going to happen again? why did it happen? what did i do wrong? the only thing i can think of is that i was baking cookies the day it happened and was lifting cookie sheets out of the oven? that seems pretty trivial... but you better be darn sure that you won't be getting any cookies from me or even hearing the word cookie the next time i'm pregnant.
... and i like how i'm saying that.... the *next* time i'm pregnant... as if i'm not up to my eyeballs in craziness and diapers and responsibility and work (and fat) right now... we can be assured of one thing. it will be in the future, but not soon!
ms. madeline is doing awesome. her vent is being turned down day by day and she's off most of her meds. she's a smiley, chubby wonder and i'm so glad to have her in my life. my molly just got home this week from a brief stint in the hospital. any little respiratory bug wreaks havoc with these two... it stinks, but it's our new reality. molly is trying so hard to move around, but is busy building her strength and coordination. she manages to get her hands into anything, so i'm actually not in a rush to have her completely mobile... we'll pretty much have to tie the furniture down at that point.
anyhow, happy new year to all. my resolutions are to find a bit of time for myself each week, ea healthier and not sweat the small stuff. what are yours?
i'm pretty bad at this blog thing... i'm actually in all honesty pretty bad at the whole staying-in-touch thing in general lately... perhaps it's b/c i have twins, one still in the hospital, a full time job, a house to clean... and a marriage... just don't have time for the little things (or anything for that matter) anymore. in a way it stinks b/c i've always thrived on a little bit of independence, but having my girls makes it all worthwhile.
so, the girls turned one yesterday... how surreal is that. it should have been a bright and shiny happy day for me, but i can't help but let some of that guilt and weirdness that came along with their early birth last year. as many times as people tell me, how can i not feel guilty that i couldn't complete the one task i was put forth to do and that's keep the kiddos in my belly for nine months. it just totally and utterly stinks that i will always have that memory, that feeling around the holidays and around their birthday. i will feel that the next time we may be blessed with another kiddo... is it going to happen again? why did it happen? what did i do wrong? the only thing i can think of is that i was baking cookies the day it happened and was lifting cookie sheets out of the oven? that seems pretty trivial... but you better be darn sure that you won't be getting any cookies from me or even hearing the word cookie the next time i'm pregnant.
... and i like how i'm saying that.... the *next* time i'm pregnant... as if i'm not up to my eyeballs in craziness and diapers and responsibility and work (and fat) right now... we can be assured of one thing. it will be in the future, but not soon!
ms. madeline is doing awesome. her vent is being turned down day by day and she's off most of her meds. she's a smiley, chubby wonder and i'm so glad to have her in my life. my molly just got home this week from a brief stint in the hospital. any little respiratory bug wreaks havoc with these two... it stinks, but it's our new reality. molly is trying so hard to move around, but is busy building her strength and coordination. she manages to get her hands into anything, so i'm actually not in a rush to have her completely mobile... we'll pretty much have to tie the furniture down at that point.
anyhow, happy new year to all. my resolutions are to find a bit of time for myself each week, ea healthier and not sweat the small stuff. what are yours?
Monday, August 24, 2009
sigh...
i'm sure some of you are wondering why i'm not the same amy i used to be... going shopping, manicures, phone conversations... well, some of that flew out the window the minute i became a mom (which i'm sure other new moms can sympathize over)... but i'm just not the same. i'm starting to realize this and i don't think there's anything i can do about it...
my baby girl madeline, while getting there, is still very sick... we were told that she will be going to franciscans, a rehab type of hospital for children, and i'm sick over the whole thing. yes, she could come home on a 24 hour ventilator with nursing support, but with molly home and the two of us working full time? i don't think we can tolerate the high risk it would take and i couldn't bear if somting ever happened... case in point...
so here i sit trying to figure out all of this in my brain... the doctor's estimate for her being home? april... yes, like as in 2010. i never ever thought we'd have to endure this much when we started this journey on 1/6/09... and it's certainly not something i wish on my worst enemy, never mind my sweet baby girl.
i've heard good and bad things about franciscans. i'm trying to go in with an open mind and we'll see i guess... here's my punky pie for your enjoyment. isnt she the best? (a close tie with molly however...to be fair and all) :)
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
blog-a-wha?
alright... i admit it. i forgot about this darn thing. who wouldn't in my situation? ...and clearly from the amount of angry fan mail i've received where my people are waiting with bated breath to find out what's happening next (read: zero) eh, i let it slide.
so, people sometimes use these blogs to post 'birth stories' and what-not... considering mine involved standing on my head for a week, emergency c-section and resuscitation...well, i choose not to really go there for now. it's just too much and i'm entirely too busy thinking about the present to possibly contemplate the future, never mind the past.
to cut to the chase... ms. madeline elizabeth came crashing into the world on january 6, 2009 at 12:35am at an astonishing 1 lb 13 oz and 13 inches long. molly louise followed in a close second at 12:36am (which will undoubtedly make her one of the more competitive girls we know... hey, it's in the genes) at a whopping 1 lb 12 oz and 12 inches long. i tried to tell them they were showing up on the wrong holiday (as in, come on easter, not on new year's) but, true to form with the ladies in my family, they would listen to no one and said, 'yo, we're outta here.' we're so thankful for the amazing care they've received thus far and we couldn't ask for a better outcome (read: my girls are still here... it was touch and go for awhile... can you believe that? i still can't)
the whole story is oh-so-tiring and difficult to talk about honestly. i put on a happy face when people ask me how the girls' are doing (public service announcement: once you have kids, no one gives a damn about you anymore... it's always, how're the girls?) but i'm having a hard time talking about it. it's hard to bring molly anywhere (one: because she's susceptible to all of the icky illnesses out there and people have no respect for boundaries) and two, because she's on oxygen, we receive stare after stare and question after question. i will never understand how random people could just walk up to you and ask all of these personal questions (and those who know me know how much i can't stand a million questions all of the time)... 'oh, is she a preemie?' 'oh, why is she on the breather?' 'oh, is she really sick?' 'oh, is she going to live?' honestly people, fa chrissakes. i *feel* like saying, 'why are you so g-damned annoying?' or 'did i say you could ask me questions?' but i don't and smile and say she's great (which she is... of course) and appease them so they'll leave us alone. consequently, i don't really go anywhere at all, except for children's.
yup, children's, as in hospital. madeline's at chb and has been since may when she left ssh's nicu. she's doing well, but has had a pretty rough go... she recently had a trachestomoy and g-tube so that she can breathe *and* grow developmentally. her lungs are just so far behind it's going to take her awhile to catch up. honestly, it's a total bummer and some days i'm not sure how we're doing it. i guess we are because we have to.
so, we're strung out. my eating habits are shittay and my exercise is null and void. i feel like a moose and look like a barn. p and i are both back to working full time, dealing with molly at home who is on oxygen and has feeding issues and visiting madeline at childrens when the work day is done. we bring molls with us sometimes and put her in bed with ms. madeline so they can at least know each other. considering madeline hasn't even been home yet (yes, you read that right... it's been almost 8 months and she's not home yet... it's killing me...) i want molly to at least know she has a sister.
madeline will have the trach through at least next spring. she's currently on a vent, but is slowly weaning. she'll go to franciscans for rehab while she's on the vent and then will come home. i hope it's soon, but fear it's not.
it's all just so surreal.
so, people sometimes use these blogs to post 'birth stories' and what-not... considering mine involved standing on my head for a week, emergency c-section and resuscitation...well, i choose not to really go there for now. it's just too much and i'm entirely too busy thinking about the present to possibly contemplate the future, never mind the past.
to cut to the chase... ms. madeline elizabeth came crashing into the world on january 6, 2009 at 12:35am at an astonishing 1 lb 13 oz and 13 inches long. molly louise followed in a close second at 12:36am (which will undoubtedly make her one of the more competitive girls we know... hey, it's in the genes) at a whopping 1 lb 12 oz and 12 inches long. i tried to tell them they were showing up on the wrong holiday (as in, come on easter, not on new year's) but, true to form with the ladies in my family, they would listen to no one and said, 'yo, we're outta here.' we're so thankful for the amazing care they've received thus far and we couldn't ask for a better outcome (read: my girls are still here... it was touch and go for awhile... can you believe that? i still can't)
the whole story is oh-so-tiring and difficult to talk about honestly. i put on a happy face when people ask me how the girls' are doing (public service announcement: once you have kids, no one gives a damn about you anymore... it's always, how're the girls?) but i'm having a hard time talking about it. it's hard to bring molly anywhere (one: because she's susceptible to all of the icky illnesses out there and people have no respect for boundaries) and two, because she's on oxygen, we receive stare after stare and question after question. i will never understand how random people could just walk up to you and ask all of these personal questions (and those who know me know how much i can't stand a million questions all of the time)... 'oh, is she a preemie?' 'oh, why is she on the breather?' 'oh, is she really sick?' 'oh, is she going to live?' honestly people, fa chrissakes. i *feel* like saying, 'why are you so g-damned annoying?' or 'did i say you could ask me questions?' but i don't and smile and say she's great (which she is... of course) and appease them so they'll leave us alone. consequently, i don't really go anywhere at all, except for children's.
yup, children's, as in hospital. madeline's at chb and has been since may when she left ssh's nicu. she's doing well, but has had a pretty rough go... she recently had a trachestomoy and g-tube so that she can breathe *and* grow developmentally. her lungs are just so far behind it's going to take her awhile to catch up. honestly, it's a total bummer and some days i'm not sure how we're doing it. i guess we are because we have to.
so, we're strung out. my eating habits are shittay and my exercise is null and void. i feel like a moose and look like a barn. p and i are both back to working full time, dealing with molly at home who is on oxygen and has feeding issues and visiting madeline at childrens when the work day is done. we bring molls with us sometimes and put her in bed with ms. madeline so they can at least know each other. considering madeline hasn't even been home yet (yes, you read that right... it's been almost 8 months and she's not home yet... it's killing me...) i want molly to at least know she has a sister.
madeline will have the trach through at least next spring. she's currently on a vent, but is slowly weaning. she'll go to franciscans for rehab while she's on the vent and then will come home. i hope it's soon, but fear it's not.
it's all just so surreal.
Thursday, December 4, 2008
welcome to ballerina-ville
ok, so i admit it... i stink at keeping up with blogs. i thought before it was because i didn't have much to talk about, but nah! i just stink at it. after all, i have plenty to talk about these days (and to pretty much anyone who'll listen considering the doctor has told me to officially take a seat and chill out)... which is funny because i would be the opposite of chill. consider me un-chill, perhaps even hot stuff! (except for right now as i sit here at home in my decidedly uncool pjs and tragic hairdo)
so, yes, yes, yes! word's out and it's girls, girls, girls! aren't you totally excited? you shall be receiving your invitation to their first dance recital any day now, which i must admit i'm totally looking forward to. the youngest little dancers are the best because they get up on stage in their ducky costumes and just stand there and then move a little bit and crash into their neighbor. who doesn't love a little of that? :)
i'm completely overwhelmed at the amount of things i have to do before their arrival and i think it's been partly exacerbated by the doctor's putting the brakes on my go-go-go life... room color...what? registry... ahhh! i know that babies have no clue what their room looks like and all that jazz, so i'm actually, for once in my life, not too concerned about that. in fact, i think i've really managed to separate the needs from the wants in this case. after all, some of this stuff that the whole business tries to get you to buy into a child uses for about three months... and that's what craigslist is for! woot woot!
it's more just the sheer volume of things... like as in *everything.* my entire life is changing (and i think it's funny how i'm kind of just realizing this now)
ah, well, i really should pay attention to this conference call :)
later!
so, yes, yes, yes! word's out and it's girls, girls, girls! aren't you totally excited? you shall be receiving your invitation to their first dance recital any day now, which i must admit i'm totally looking forward to. the youngest little dancers are the best because they get up on stage in their ducky costumes and just stand there and then move a little bit and crash into their neighbor. who doesn't love a little of that? :)
i'm completely overwhelmed at the amount of things i have to do before their arrival and i think it's been partly exacerbated by the doctor's putting the brakes on my go-go-go life... room color...what? registry... ahhh! i know that babies have no clue what their room looks like and all that jazz, so i'm actually, for once in my life, not too concerned about that. in fact, i think i've really managed to separate the needs from the wants in this case. after all, some of this stuff that the whole business tries to get you to buy into a child uses for about three months... and that's what craigslist is for! woot woot!
it's more just the sheer volume of things... like as in *everything.* my entire life is changing (and i think it's funny how i'm kind of just realizing this now)
ah, well, i really should pay attention to this conference call :)
later!
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
big yawns and other things
hi all... :)
i can't believe i'm at my 18th week of pregnancy already... when did *that* happen? oh my! p and i were off to the hospital yesterday morning to have our all-important ultrasound. while they can tell the sex at 17-20 weeks or so, this ultrasound is actually to see that all fingers and toes and hearts are doing what they're supposed to... and i'm happy to report that we saw all forty little digits dancing about, two hearts beating, two brains a-buzzing. unbelievable! at one point, the stinker known as baby a (labeled as such due to its' slam-dancing method of being a baby) yawned and they caught it on their screen. very neat. baby b is the chill one and they already seem to be displaying their own little personalities.
i think i'm still in a bit of shock...can you tell?
*oh* and yes, we know who and what they are, but are saving announcements for after we tell our immediate families... dump trucks or ballet shoes? either way, you'll all have to start nailing down the furniture anyway, so get ready! :)
i can't believe i'm at my 18th week of pregnancy already... when did *that* happen? oh my! p and i were off to the hospital yesterday morning to have our all-important ultrasound. while they can tell the sex at 17-20 weeks or so, this ultrasound is actually to see that all fingers and toes and hearts are doing what they're supposed to... and i'm happy to report that we saw all forty little digits dancing about, two hearts beating, two brains a-buzzing. unbelievable! at one point, the stinker known as baby a (labeled as such due to its' slam-dancing method of being a baby) yawned and they caught it on their screen. very neat. baby b is the chill one and they already seem to be displaying their own little personalities.
i think i'm still in a bit of shock...can you tell?
*oh* and yes, we know who and what they are, but are saving announcements for after we tell our immediate families... dump trucks or ballet shoes? either way, you'll all have to start nailing down the furniture anyway, so get ready! :)
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